Adrift
by Bluenet13
Summary: A bullet-induced trip down memory lane and two alternate destinations...
1. Chapter 1: Life

_This is a new idea that came to my mind and wouldn't let go so I had to write it. This story won't be entirely happy, but it will have a positive ending. This should only be 4 chapters long and I already have 2.5 written. Also, A LOT of thanks to "Phnxgirl" for coming up with this title ;)_

 _*For anyone that reads Ghost: Sorry I posted this instead of updating that one, but I started posting when I had 12 chapters written and now I only have 5. I'm a bit stuck there, and inspired here, so in an attempt not to catch up and enter panic mode (which won't be good for anyone that cares about it), I'm slowing down for now and giving you this instead. I hope you also give it a chance.*_

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Life**

"Sam, sniper, get down." Callen's words came as a desperate yell as soon as he saw the spark of the sunlight hitting the weapon in the roof of one of the buildings that overlooked the open courtyard the NCIS team had just breached.

Sam tried to dodge to the side as he heard his partner's warning, but even with all of his effort, a part of his brain was telling him it was too late. Just as he was resigning himself to his possible fate, he sensed his body being pushed to the ground and never felt the pain that he had been already expecting.

As soon as Deeks had heard Callen's panicked voice, two images flashed through his mind: _Kamran and Aiden, and Sam crying and holding his wife's body_ , and without even thinking of himself or his own dreams and family, moved as fast as he ever remembered doing, pushing his senior teammate down. He slumped next to him and instantly felt the pain on his side and the dampness starting to expand in his shirt, just in the area left open and unprotected between the Kevlar vest's front and back. As the pain started to spread through his body and he began to shiver, he closed his eyes and thought back to that morning.

-x-x-x-

" _Good morning princess." As every morning for the past almost four years, Deeks opened his eyes to the most beautiful sight of all. His partner, best friend, girlfriend and fiancé… his Kensi, next to him and cuddled against his own warm body. He had learned never to take things for granted and he was still surprised that this perfect woman had really chosen him._

" _Good morning baby. Time to get up or do we get five more minutes?" Kensi yawned as she snuggled further into Deeks' chest, relishing the feeling of his strong arms embracing her. She would never stop appreciating how protected and loved Deeks made her feel and she smiled as it became clear how happy she really was in her current life._

 _Deeks turned to the nightstand and looking at the clock, decided it was time to get ready for work. He hated denying his ladybird anything, even the simplest of requests, but the job called and they had to keep saving the world. "No time Fern, but if we get up now and skip breakfast at home and just pick something on the road, we can have some extra time in the shower." He wiggled his eyebrows playfully, even though he knew Kensi couldn't see his face from her position on the bed._

 _As expected, Kensi could perfectly imagine what Deeks was doing and picture the smile that lighted his face at the request. She couldn't deny this perfect man anything, so sighing contently she stepped out of bed and pulled Deeks' hand behind her. "I love you." She said as they made their way together into the bathroom._

" _And I love you, princess. Today and forever."_

-x-x-x-

For Callen, everything happened in slow motion, first he heard the echo of his own scream, then saw Deeks rushing to the side, and both he, and Sam, hitting the ground hard. But, while Sam rolled over and turned to look at him, Deeks was unmoving next to him. "Kensi, there's a sniper in the roof, take him out." He shook his head and forced the words out as his mind could only concentrate on his younger teammate's body.

The female agent had heard Callen's distressed notice but after not hearing anything else, thought they had all managed to duck in time. She focused on the rooftops that surrounded hers and patiently searched through the scope of her riffle until she found the sniper and swiftly took him out. "Sniper down, I repeat, sniper down." Not receiving a response, she repeated her remark and then focused on continuing her overwatch duties.

At first, Sam couldn't comprehend what has just happened… not until he rolled around and saw Deeks next to him. He held his breath as he stared at his friend's body up and down, and his blood turned to ice and soon as he came across the growing crimson spot on Deeks' side and the puddle of the liquid that was already accumulating under him. He turned panicked eyes to his partner and saw his same expression mirrored in Callen's eyes… he had seen the blood too.

Both senior partners instantly moved towards their injured teammate as soon as they realized he had been hit and turned him around, so he wasn't face down anymore but staring up at the sky. Sam focused on stopping the bleeding as best as he could but there was so much blood that in seconds his hands were completely red.

Callen grabbed his phone and quickly called the Wonder Twins, never waiting for a greeting, just starting to rush through his instructions as soon as the called was picked. "We need an ambulance, Deeks has been shot. We need an ambulance NOW." He shouted the last part and just after receiving confirmation that the ambulance was on the way, hanged up and fell to his knees next to Sam and Deeks.

As soon as Kensi heard, through her com, what Callen had just said presumably to the Wonder Twins, her own blood chilled and her hands dropped from her weapon as she fought an inner battle to regain her own voice. "Callen, what happened?" It took her more seconds than she had to spare to finally regain her composure but now, as she understood the senior partners' previous silence, she felt tears pickling her eyes as she waited for her team leader's response.

"Kens…" Callen couldn't say anything else, after all, how do you tell your teammate and little sister than her partner, best friend and boyfriend, just got shot protecting _his_ partner. "I'm sorry…"

Kensi closed her eyes as a lone teardrop rolled down her face and she felt her heart rate spiraling out of control. "Is… is he dead?" She swallowed hard and fell back against the building's wall as she sensed her world collapsing around her.

"No… but it's bad, Kens. It's really bad." Callen had his own eyes closed as he said some of the hardest words he ever had been forced to push past his throat. "Make sure there's no other sniper and come down… we need you here… he needs you." Then he turned to look back at his two teammates, Sam had tears running down his own face, and Callen's own started coming too as he realized this was only the third time he ever remembered his partner crying on the field. Their fallen teammate had his eyes closed, but the shaky and irregular fall and rise of his chest signaled that he was still alive.

Deeks heard the words around him, but his whole body felt numb. He couldn't open his eyes or move his own lips. He tried lifting his hand to signal his teammates that he was alive, but regardless of how hard he had tried, he couldn't lift any of his limbs. He felt a cold sweat beginning at the nape of his neck and felt his mind being pulled from the conscious world and into something else.

-x-x-x-

 _Young Marty Deeks was nine years old and a third grade student. He was currently hiding in the closet in the locker room of his school's gym. He was wearing blue shorts and a white t-shirt. He had long blonde hair, and blue eyes. He also had a split lip, and bruises on his arms. Under his shirt also more contusions and sore ribs._

 _The boy tried steading his breathing, in a desperate attempt not to be discovered. A cold sweat began at the nape of his neck, and he felt a chill starting to spread down his back. He closed his eyes and prayed for no one to find him. He was shaking now, as the passage of time was only making him more desperate and scared._

 _After five more minutes, the door to the closet opened and a wide-eyed and terrified nine-year old stared at the faces of four of his classmates. The ones he had been running and hiding from._

" _Found him." The first one excitedly shouted._

" _The little wimp." The second one pointed out._

" _And he's all beaten again, he's clearly someone's toy." The third said to his companions as he laughed at the scrawny boy cowering in the closet._

" _Get him out." The last one said as he motioned to his friends._

 _Little Marty saw a hand reach towards him and felt it grab the collar of his t-shirt, silent tears streaming down his face as the bigger boys pulled him from the closet and back into the locker room. They surrounded him from all sides and started closing in on him, with wide smirks and malice in their eyes. Seeing no other out and not wanting another beating, he pushed one of the boys and started running, taking advantage of his agility and smaller frame to get away from them. He was an expert in running thanks to his father and his drunken rages, so now, he ran… skipped the rest of the school day, and didn't stop running until he reached the beach and collapsed on the sand… The cold sweat still palpable at the nape of his neck and the chilling sensation still spreading through his body._

-x-x-x-

Kensi took two minutes to check all the surrounding rooftops and finding no other snipers, proceeded to quickly break down her own weapon and fit it in its case, before running down the stairs and towards her teammates.

By this point, both Sam and Callen had taken off their own vests and t-shirts, using them to stop the bleeding in Deeks' side, but both knowing their efforts weren't taking them anywhere. "Deeks." Sam's voice wasn't usually this shaky, but he couldn't force it to sound stronger, not when another teammate could die protecting him, not when he could lose another part of his family, and not when he would have to look Kensi in the eye and tell her Deeks had died for him. "Please, brother say something."

"Come on, man." Callen decided to join his partner, hoping their combine efforts would reach into wherever dark place Deeks' mind had gone too. "You can't do this to us, please, say something… anything." The desperation in the team leader's voice only increased as they kept begging for the younger man to respond, and got nothing in return. They had both turned off their coms by now, and looked at each other in anguish as they thought of Kensi and what this would do to her.

Deeks for his part, was still trapped inside his own body, and with the same chilling sensation all around his body. Somewhat conscious but not able to move, speak or even open his eyes. He wanted to scream, and say that he was still there… that he wouldn't go anywhere… that he wouldn't give up… but he couldn't, so instead he just focused on the good memories with the two men currently begging him to fight.

-x-x-x-

" _Come on, man. Join us for some beers and then you can go home and wallow in your own sorrow, but give us a chance to make this day better." Callen wasn't one to insist, if he was told no, he just accepted it and moved on. At least he was that way in his relationships, but never in a case or when his personal life was affected. But today, he was determined to keep pushing, even if a friend was the one that had said no. "Just a beer, in the beach, please."_

 _The blonde detective sadly shook his head as he looked down at the ground and put on his shoulder bag as he prepared to leave the Mission._

" _Callen's right, just one beer, do it for us." Sam joined his partner in trying to convince the younger man, and he thought that the man surely couldn't deny the two of them when they had joined forces. "Just for today, brother. We're also your friends."_

 _It was January 8_ _th_ _, 2014. Deeks' birthday. And his partner and best friend was in a classified and secret operation in the other side of the globe._

" _Please, Deeks" The team leader said._

" _Just one night, brother." His partner followed._

" _Okay." The liaison eventually relented._

 _Eric and Nell had joined the three field "agents" and the five of them had spent a fun, relaxing and perfect evening. Drinking beers, eating fish tacos and enjoying the sunset in the beach. Deeks had spent a better birthday than expected and felt infinitely grateful that his team hadn't forgotten the date this time, and the effort they had gone through to make it better when they all knew how down he had been feeling and how much he was missing his partner and best friend._

 _They all left the parking lot in the beach three hours after first arriving and with content smiles on their faces, slightly inebriated chuckles and a healthy level of worry for what Hetty would do to them if they arrived to the office hungover the next day. But ultimately, they got in their cars, happy… they drove home feeling lighter than before… and they went to bed, hopeful. That night, Marty Deeks closed his eyes knowing that he wasn't alone anymore, he had a team, friends, a family, and hopefully soon, he would have a girlfriend too._

-x-x-x-

Kensi came running into the open courtyard as soon as she spotted her three teammates on the ground. She sank onto the hard concrete and started sobbing as she took notice of how much blood was visible… in her partner's shirt, her teammates' hands, the floor… everywhere.

"Deeks." She whispered scarily. "Deeks." She repeated in a stronger voice. "Deeks, please." She said in between sniffles. "Marty." She desperately begged. But, no matter what she said, how much she pleaded, who she implored to, her boyfriend didn't respond, opened his eyes, or acknowledged that he was still _there,_ with _them,_ in any way.

With Sam and Callen's voices Deeks had wanted to scream, but with Kensi's frantic one, he wanted to cry. Feeling tears below his closed eyelids, he felt himself break, and again his brain drew him to the past.

-x-x-x-

 _Eight year old Marty Deeks woke up to the sound of strange noises and screams coming from their parents' bedroom. The blonde boy was curious by nature, so he stood out of bed, silently opened his door and walked the hall towards the door at the other end. He put his ear to the wood and focused on the noises._

 _He remembered having been caught snooping some months ago, and his mother telling him that what grown-ups did in their room was only for them, and little boys like him should stay in their beds and sleep. He had asked about the noises, and Bertie had responded that the "noises" were the way adults showed their love for each other. He didn't understood, so he just nodded and silently padded back to his room._

 _Some months later, he still didn't get what his mama had meant, but he wondered if maybe his parents were showing their love for each other now, and he felt really happy for them. But then he heard a sob, and his brow furrowed._

 _Joy and love, didn't fit with sobbing and tears, and the blue-eyed boy was confused. Then came a pained scream and his body tensed._

 _Joy and love, didn't fit with this type of screaming, and the blonde boy was even more confused._

 _Little Marty considered going to his bed and sleeping as his mother had said, but then came another sob, and another scream, so trying to feel older and braver than he was, the young boy stretched his small body to reach the handle, and pushed the door open._

 _The sight that welcomed him was his father on top of his sobbing mother, picture frames and other objects littering the ground, grumbled sheets, crimson spots everywhere and beer bottles around the bed. And a terrible smell. He scrunched his nose, and tried to remember where he knew the smell from. Then he remembered mama telling him about the beverage his father drank, and how in his childlike innocence he had asked to try it, then how his mother had laughed telling him that booze was not something for good, little boys like him._

 _As soon as the door opened, Roberta and Gordon turned around to see the wide-eyed face of their eight year old son, causing the mother to start shaking and her world crumbling because she had failed to shield her Martin from the monster of his father. And the father to smirk, then step out of the bed, grab the small child by the collar of his pajama and throw him out of the room. But not without following him, and closing the door behind father and son, leaving a terrified, sobbing and helpless Roberta to listen to the night the nightmare began for her boy._

 _That night, little Marty Deeks felt more alone than ever before as he received the first beating from his father, and his world was never the same. He still laughed and joked and loved life, but he was also forced to learn that life wasn't fair, or just, or even good for everyone. That night, the first part of the boy's innocence and hope were destroyed, and he never again associated tears with happiness or love._

-x-x-x-

The sound of the ambulance's siren brought all four NCIS teammates back to the present. And minutes later, three paramedics came into the open space with a stretcher and their bags. They lowered themselves to the ground next to the bleeding detective and started working to save his life. The dire looks on their faces telling Callen, Sam, and Kensi everything they needed to know and prompting them to start preparing for the worst.

As Deeks was lifted onto the stretcher with an IV on his arm, fresh bandages of his wound, and a heart monitor attached to his chest, Kensi grabbed his hand, Sam put a hand on his shoulder and Callen on his leg. All three team members had tears rolling down their faces and they all prayed to anyone willing to listen to please save Deeks' life and return him to them.

Deeks felt his body moved, but quickly realized it wasn't by his own choice. He felt strange hands touching and prodding him, then a needle prickling his arm, someone removing his shirt, the cool air on his bare, drenched skin, and the sweat that kept trickling from the nape of his neck and chilling his body. Then he felt comforting touches, one on his hand, the other on his shoulder and one on his leg. Trying to focus and regain his wit, he realized those three were his teammates, his family, and that made him remember he wasn't alone anymore.

As the blonde detective felt his body moving, or more like, rolling outside, he focused more on his surroundings and heard again the pleads and messages from his team. _Please fight, don't leave us, don't do this to us, I need you, I love you, we need you, please, please, please, come back to us._ The words were jumbled in his own cluttered thoughts but they gave him comfort and peace. So with all the strength he had left, he lifted his hand, halting the progress of the stretcher and making all three of his teammates stop and turn around to look at him.

Marty Deeks' blue eyes opened, and he stared at the endless sky. Kensi instantly moved to push his damp, messy curls away from his forehead, as she cried happy tears and felt more hopeful that before. Callen and Sam also had tears on their eyes, and they greeted their friend as they kept begging him to hold on and fight for his life.

"I'm sorry." Deeks rasped as his throat felt dry and raw and he felt more discomfort just from the effort of talking. "Didn't mean to get shot, again…" He drily laughed. "I love you, and it was my biggest honor knowing and working with all seven of you. And princess, please remember I would never leave you willingly." The blonde man focused on the sky again, the blue that reflected in his pained eyes, the fluffy clouds, and the free birds… getting caught in the infinity of it all. He felt as if he was floating… drifting away and he couldn't do anything to stop it. With no more strength in his body, he eventually closed his eyes, with a lone tear rolling down his face. Then Marty Deeks fell into unconsciousness once more. The last image on his mind, that of his three crying teammates, and from that day, he learned that tears could be as much a sign of pain and misery, but also one of joy… love… and hope.

Kensi, Callen and Sam began shaking Deeks' body as they continued to beg him to fight and wake up. He had managed to open his eyes, but only to say what they all felt was his final goodbye, and none of them wanted to think of what that meant. They had resumed their walk now, and all three could only stand and watch as the stretcher was lifted onto the ambulance, the door closed behind them, and the vehicle started driving away.

In their numbness and despair, the last sounds the agents remember hearing was the steady beep of the heart monitor turning constant and continuous, with no breaks in between the beeps. Then, one of the paramedics asking for a shot of vasopressin and the other ordering to start cardiopulmonary resuscitation… The combination of the endless flat noise that pierced their ears and broke their hearts, and the medics' requests, successfully signaling that the heart monitor had flat lined and their friend was effectively losing his life.

* * *

 _I'm really scared to post this. I started writing it with the intention of it never leaving my laptop, but today I was convinced to share it. So, infinite thanks for reading, and I hope to hear what everyone thinks. Know your support, in whatever form it comes, is always appreciated and it's the reason why I keep writing and sharing._


	2. Chapter 2: Will

_Infinite thanks for the response to the first chapter, I honestly wasn't expecting that and it made me so incredibly happy. I already have this story finished and just need to post the last two chapters. As a reminder, this fic is not meant to be entirely happy, but it will have a positive ending._

 _*Timeline info that I forgot to say before: this happens sometime in the near future, when (hopefully) Hetty comes back from Vietnam to make our favorite team whole again.*_

 _Enjoy!_

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Will**

"What happened?" Hetty inquired dejectedly as she stepped into the waiting room of UCLA Ronald Reagan's Medical Center. Not receiving anything in return, she stood in front of her elite team and took in their actions and demeanors.

Kensi was pacing back and forth from the double doors that signaled the start of the treatment area to the elevators in the hallway, and back again. The same actions over and over again. Her face a mask of anguish and silent tears streaming down her face every few minutes. Her mismatched eyes staring past everyone and everything, instead lost in old memories and fears for moments that might never come.

Sam sat slumped on an uncomfortable and plain white chair, sorta doubled over and with his legs stretched out in a failed attempt to make the position less terrible. His eyes were closed, but just by staring at him for a second, the burden and distress he was feeling became obvious. There were worry lines all over his face and his eyes never stopped moving under his closed eyelids.

Callen was standing next to his partner, head resting on the wall, arms crossed over his chest and breathing coming in hard. His eyes didn't focus on the Operations Manager or anything else in particular, he just stared blankly at the television playing in the corner. He was wearing a clean shirt now, but his jeans were still stained crimson and provided a constant and painful reminder of what had happened and why they were all in the ER.

Hetty sighed and closed her eyes for a second, then moved to sit on Sam's other side, joining her team and family in this newest waiting game. One they had all experienced before, but still would never be prepared for. Time passed and no one said anything or moved from their spots… It was around 20 minutes later when Hetty's eyes became vacant and she was pushed back into the past.

-x-x-x-

 _The year was 2009, and recently appointed NCIS Office of Special Project's Operations Manager, Henrietta Lange, sat at her new office, holding a half-empty glass of scotch in one hand, and the phone in the other._

 _She blew her breath as she patiently waited for the call to be picked up, while she enjoyed the silence and solitude the Spanish-style building provided during after-hours, when all the agents, analysts, operators and extra personnel had gone home and the only sounds in the building were those inside her own head._

" _Beck." Hetty smiled as soon as she heard the voice on the other end, even at the late hour, she had been certain the LAPD lieutenant and her old friend would still be awake, and she was pleased to know she had, again, been right._

" _Hello, Ruben."_

" _Henrietta Lange, to what do I owe the pleasure of this call?" The words were strong, spoken by a man who clearly had a long history and had lived a lot, but they also carried affection and friendship for the woman to whom they had been directed to._

" _It seems our cases crossed today, my old friend." A small pause followed, before the old woman started again. "I learned at an unfortunate late time that a couple of undercovers detectives under your command where involved in the drug deal gone wrong that my team investigated today, as it involved_ _a group of former SEALs."_

 _Ruben blew out a long breath and Hetty smirked as she heard it and perfectly imagined the face his friend was probably displaying at that moment. "I'm not complaining Ruben. I would just like more cooperation and a quicker line of communication next time."_

" _Understood, and I apologized, but… the case was more complicated than what it seemed, and I had to protect…" Ruben then trailed off, causing Hetty to frown at the vague information._

 _Hetty waited a couple of minutes, but after the silence from the other end only continued, she again took charge of the situation. "I'm listening."_

 _Another sigh, and another long breath followed. And then another grin from Hetty… She really enjoyed being in control._

" _I had a third undercover in that operation." Hetty raised her eyebrows at that, wondering how that could be new information to her and how had her elite team not realized it sooner. "He was not only investigating the drug deal but the dirty cop that killed his partner."_

" _And?" Hetty was still surprised that she hadn't learned this sooner and she wondered who that cop was and how could he had acted undetected from her team. She was also interested in the fact he had, basically, been working two cases at the same time._

" _Nothing more." Ruben sighed again, knowing his old friend was not one to accept partial truths. "I had to protect him, and keep his cover viable for other operations… He's our best undercover."_

 _Still frowning, Hetty lifted the lid of her laptop and logged in the LAPD database to which she had managed to get access to. "Can I get a name?"_

 _Ruben laughed now, and then blew out another breath, knowing he would soon be defeated. "Why? Are you looking to poach him from us, my friend?" His statement however, carried no malice, as his long history with the woman on the other line only created understanding and cooperation between the two friends._

 _Hetty chuckled but said nothing, she just waited._

 _After a few minutes of silence, Ruben knew he had no real choice, he could volunteer the information on his own, or wait for Henrietta to find it through other means. After all, nothing could be hidden from the Duchess of Deception. "Martin A. Deeks." He eventually relented._

" _Thank you, Ruben." Hetty muttered, smiling to herself. "I hope to stay in contact… and be informed in a more reasonable time the next time our operations cross… UC cop or none at all…"_

" _You got it, good night, Henrietta." Ruben sighed one last time, and hanged the phone, already preparing himself for a possible future fight for the services of his best detective._

 _Hetty typed the name on her computer, and started reading everything she could find. She went over personal files, was surprised at some sealed ones, impressed at his LAPD record and awestruck at his physical appearance. After reading for over an hour, she copied the documents into one of her secret folders and made note to ask her tech operator to release… or hack… those sealed files._

 _Getting up from her desk, and turning off the lights, the operations manager started walking towards the door, while still thinking of the name and all the information she had just learned. Hetty then smiled, already knowing that the young, blonde man would one day be part of her elite team. "Marty Deeks." She whispered to herself one last time as the Mission's door closed behind her and his pale blue eyes kept dancing on her mind._

-x-x-x-

"This is taking too long." Hetty was brought back to the present and away from the first night she had learned of one Martin Deeks, when Sam angrily stood up from the chair and muttered the words under his breath, but still loud enough for her to hear.

Callen moved towards his partner and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Calm down, brother… you know these things take time."

Sam shook off his friend's hand and walked back to the uncomfortable chair, slumping down again, and burying his face in his hands.

"So… now that we all seem to be in the present again… Can someone tell me what happened?" Hetty had heard everything over coms as she stood in ops with her tech operator and intelligent analyst, but she wanted to hear it from the ones who had lived through it.

All three agents then looked at each other, none of them wanting to talk and silently pleading to the others to explain what had happened.

Eventually it was Callen, who as team leader, gathered his courage and provided the information. "We had just breached the courtyard… and were starting to search around. No one seemed to be there, but then I… I saw the spark of the sunlight on a gun in the adjacent rooftop… and I yelled as soon as I could, but…" He then closed his eyes as the painful and vivid memories started replaying on his mind.

"And the bullet was coming to me… but Deeks jumped and pushed me to the ground… He saved my life and is now fighting for his…" Sam continued the story, in a pained voice and with his eyes glistening with unshed tears. Then, leaving his teammates and boss staring sadly in concern at his retreating form, the ex-Navy seal got up and started walking shakily towards the hall. His mind a mess of painful reminders, and overwhelming memories…

-x-x-x-

 _April, 2010. The team had just completed their latest case, successfully neutralizing an Iraq War Fugitive, and the senior partners had left the Mission together, intent on sharing some beers and then taking their separate ways. They now sat in a shack near the beach, and stared silently at the waves as they took occasional swigs of their drinks._

" _I can't believe this… What is Hetty thinking?" Sam eventually broke the silence, speaking angrily as he placed his glass down with a thud, prompting his partner to cringe and start preparing his argument._

 _Blowing a shaky breath, Callen started on trying to placate his distressed friend. "You know no one understands Hetty, man… She works in mysterious ways, but she always has a reason… I think…"_

" _But he's just a cop…" Callen's opening statement was quickly cut short by his partner's annoyed retort. "And worse of all, he doesn't even look like one… We're a serious team, no one's gonna take us seriously now." Again the loud bang of the glass on the counter punctuated the big man's observation._

 _The team leader waited for the heated rant to continue, but when it seemed that, at least for now, his partner had set his peace, he decided to continue. "I get that, brother… But he… Deeks… he did a good job today, and he did help you at the MMA gym…" He waited with bated breath for Sam's reaction but was surprised when the man deflated instead._

" _I just don't get it… We're NCIS' elite team. We're supposed to be the best, so what's he doing with us?" The way in which Sam practically spat the word "he" made Callen wince again, and to start worrying for the future of his team._

" _I think we just need to give him a chance… Hetty admitted she's been following him for some time, I'm sure she has her reasons… We just need to wait and see." The team leader then drank the last of his beer and stood up, motioned for his partner to follow towards the Challenger._

 _20 minutes later the senior partners reached the new hotel in which Callen was staying, and as the team leader opened his door and stood outside, he took an extra second to stare at his partner, noticing his still angry glare and the tight grip he had on the wheel. "Calm down, brother… Everything's gonna be fine, we just need to trust Hetty on this one." He smiled sincerely then, thinking that the somewhat uncharacteristic action might work best to reassure his best friend._

 _Sam heard Callen clearly but he wasn't feeling as optimistic so he just stayed silent and waited for his partner to close the door and walk towards the building. "Marty Deeks… a cop… in our elite team… and with that shaggy hair… I'm sure he won't last a month." The ex-Navy seal ranted under his breath and then started driving home…_

-x-x-x-

The feel of the cold water on his face drew Sam away from the old memory and he found himself standing in the hospital's restroom, tightly gripping the smooth porcelain of the sink and with his hands slightly shaking. He exhaled slowly and felt the unusual tears spring to his eyes again… and deciding that he had been strong for too long, he let them fall, at the same time as his body lost its strength and he dropped to the ground.

The ex-Navy seal wasn't sure for how long he remained in that same position, back against the wall, knees drawn up towards his chest and feeling guiltier than ever before, until the door opened, and his worried-looking partner walked in. Callen didn't say anything at first, just moved towards his partner and quietly sat down next to him.

"We need to be strong together, brother. Kensi needs us, Hetty needs us… I need you." The heartfelt admission sounded strange even for Callen himself, but he knew both partners needed honesty right now. And he knew he needed his best friend. They all needed each other if they were to move past this, regardless of the outcome.

Sam turned with a surprised expression to stare at his partner, not having expected so much sincerity to come pouring out of him. "This shouldn't be happening, man. This is not fair, not to Kensi, not to us, not to… Deeks." He looked everywhere but at his partner as he spoke, the weight of the world pushing down on his shoulders and resolve.

"The world is not always fair, Sam… You, us… more than anyone should know that." Callen sighed as many painful reminders came to the forefront of his mind, and he remembered his own birth family, Dom, Michelle, Granger… and many other heartbreaks. "But we have to get up and keep moving forward man… we need to. And that's what Deeks would want."

Not getting an answer, Callen moved to rest his head on the bathroom cold wall, and closed his eyes as he thought back to the younger teammate who was currently fighting for his life.

-x-x-x-

 _It was December 2012, and G Callen sat alone and unhappily on the deck of the USS Van Buren, his partner had left about two hours ago and he found himself wishing they weren't stuck in here for Christmas. As a loner by nature, the team leader didn't tend to have a lot of plans for the holidays, but he still enjoyed being in his own home and appreciated the regular invitations to the Hanna household for various celebrations._

 _It was a dark and cloudy night, and only a few stars were present on the sky. Still he liked the view, so he preferred to stay here on his own, than wherever the rest of his team was. Time continued to pass, and the senior agent, remained in the same position, thinking about life and with a serious expression on his face._

 _Out of nowhere, he heard a cheerful and familiar laugh, and turned around to see a grinning Deeks and frowning Kensi walking towards him, and instantly wondered what crazy thing the detective had said to cause such reactions from the junior partners._

" _What are you doing here alone, Callen?" Kensi asked as the newcomers reached the rail in which their leader was now standing. "How could you leave me alone with Deeks? I thought we were friends." She pouted, prompting her disheveled partner to start chuckling again._

 _Eyes twinkling and a smile still present on his face, Deeks shook his head and continued smirking at his teammates. "You say that, Fern. But I know how bland your life would be without me in it…"_

" _Yeah, keep telling yourself that Shaggy…" The female agent tried to sound serious, but they all knew she didn't mean those words. "Now you boys enjoy some bonding time, a much needed shower is calling my name." As quick as the brunette had come, she turned around and started walking in the direction of the stairs that would take her back below deck._

" _Do you need assistance taking that shower, my dear Kensalina?" The blonde man yelled after her, as he wiggled his eyebrows playfully and only laughed even more as Kensi turned around with a blush, then groaned at her own lack of comeback and hurried towards the stairs._

 _The senior agent stared at his younger teammate in surprise, wondering how the man could always be so cheerful and cheeky, even in the worst of circumstances._

" _What?" Deeks eventually asked, the smile never leaving his face._

 _Callen thought for a moment, until he was able to put his thoughts into a coherent question. "Why are you always so happy? You got knocked unconscious today and almost thrown into the ocean in a trash bin… And we're stuck here for Christmas?" He then waited and was even more confused when Deeks' smirk only increased and he breathlessly laughed again._

 _Eventually sobering once more, Deeks shrugged nonchalantly before responding. "What's there not to be happy, man? I'm alive, we're all fine, Sam will be home for Christmas with his family, and the rest of us, at least, can be together." His pale blue eyes were still shinning as they perfectly reflected the blue of the ocean and became darker as they also mirrored the foggy night._

 _Thinking for a second, Callen eventually nodded and blew out a short breath, trying to understand and, maybe even adopt, his teammate's perspective a little more._

 _Sensing that Callen was still not totally convinced, Deeks decided to continue… "If we stop and dwell on all the misfortunes of injustices of life… on all the things that could have gone wrong… or that could still go wrong… we would be miserable, brother… Smiling, and joking are the only ways I know to move forward and just… kept feeling alive." The blonde detective smiled once more, his eyes never losing their spark, as he turned around and started making his way towards the stairs. "I will be in the lounge area, come join me if you want some company." He then smirked and winked at his team leader who kept staring at him dumbstruck._

 _That night, Callen remained alone for only five more minutes, quickly accepting that his younger teammate was right, and deciding, with a smile on his face, to go join his friend and spend the night laughing together and relishing being alive…_

-x-x-x-

Callen smirked to himself as his thoughts returned to the present and he looked up to a concerned Eric staring down at the senior partners, as apparently the tech operator had entered the restroom a few minutes ago and neither of them had reacted to his presence.

Recalling his recent memory, Callen knew with certainty that regardless of what happened Deeks would want them all to keep moving forward, but over anything, the blonde happy-go-lucky detective would never want them to stop smiling. So now, he smiled again, as he got up and stretched a hand to his best friend.

Five minutes later Eric, Sam and Callen, left the restroom together and walked back towards the waiting area and the rest of their team and family. They reached the familiar space a few minutes later, to find Kensi still pacing back and forth between the double doors of the treatment area and the elevators at the end of the hallway, and Hetty and Nell sitting next to each other on the uncomfortable hospital chairs.

The three men proceeded to sit with their two female teammates as Nell got up and walked towards her grief-stricken friend. "Kens, I think you should sit down. You have been pacing since Eric and I arrived… and that was at least half an hour ago…" She looked worriedly at her friend and wished she had the power to take her pain away… or more so, to save their injured shaggy teammate, and take _all_ their pain away.

The female agent just shrugged and continued her walk, until Nell determinedly blocked her path, and stopped her with a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Please, Kensi… Deeks wouldn't want you to get sick with worry… No news is good news, he's still fighting and we need to give him strength but not by losing our minds in the process." She then took a pastry bag out of her purse and passed it to her friend. "I'm sure Deeks would want you to enjoy this… He always did say sweets made you happier and that sugar was the way to…" The analyst stopped suddenly as the female agent just took the bag and started walking to a lonely corner of the waiting room.

After seizing the offered bag with a sad smile and taking a deep breath, Kensi grabbed the donut and took a doubtful bite from what was usually her favorite comfort food. "Thanks, Nell… I appreciate it." She called behind her shoulder as she was already moving towards the chairs, where she sat down dejectedly on the farthest she could find from the rest of the team. Right now she didn't wanted anyone's company… Just that of the only man she couldn't have, but whom she hoped, with all her heart, to have back soon.

Staring at the powdered pastry in her hand, and Nell's incomplete statement still echoing in her head, Kensi's mismatched eyes glazed with more unshed tears as her memories went back to said man. Her partner, best friend, boyfriend, fiancé, and… hopefully someday husband.

-x-x-x-

 _The oceanic breeze ruffled Deeks' blonde messy curls as he and Kensi stood together on the Santa Monica Pier overlooking their familiar Pacific on a certain warm April day. It was 2014, and the female agent had been alone at home wallowing in her own misery, when a knock had sounded from her door, forcing her to stand up from the coach with a groan, and open the door to her partner's smiling face._

 _After a lot of convincing, jokes, a box of her favorite donuts, and promises of good times, Kensi had agreed to go with him to the beach, making this the first time she left her house since returning from her nightmare in Afghanistan._

" _See, Fern… I've always known you only keep me around for the sweet treats." Deeks teased jokingly as he passed his partner a recently made funnel cake, covered in powdered sugar and hot fudge._

 _Kensi swatted at his arm playfully, but quickly moved to grab the offered dessert and then moaned in pleasure as she took the first bite of the delicious, sugary little piece of heaven._

 _Deeks smiled shyly as he focused on his partner, looking better every day, but still with a few light bruises standing out on her pale face. His smile turned into a full grin as Kensi finished the dessert in less than two minutes and asked if there was any place that sold ice cream close by._

 _The female agent emulated his smile, as the blonde detective just shrugged and walked back to the food stands, returning a few minutes later with a big chocolate ice cream with marshmallow pieces and nuts sprinkled on the top. With a content sigh, Kensi took the new treat and took a first bite, feeling grateful for her awesome partner who knew her better than anyone and had instinctively bought her the closest thing available to her favorite Rocky Road._

 _After an hour, a walk on the beach and another sugary delight, the junior partners made their way into the parking lot and Deeks got behind the wheel. They reached Kensi's house 20 minutes later and the female agent moved to get out of the car, but not before turning towards her partner with eyes glassy from unshed tears and taking both of his hands on hers._

" _Thank you, Deeks… Today was… good. Better than any day since we got back… And I appreciate it." Her mismatched eyes mirrored the love present in his pale blue ones, as she moved forward to peck his lips quickly. She then got out of the car and shut the door, never turning around as she walked hastily towards her door._

" _I always did know sugar was the way to her heart…" Deeks' whisper was the last thing the agent heard as his partner's truck drove away and towards his own house. As Kensi got inside her home feeling refreshed and a lot better than when she had left, she thought that her partner would one day make somebody the perfect… boyfriend and husband (not personal assistant), and she only hoped it would be hers…_

-x-x-x-

Kensi brushed the tears off her eyes as the sound of the ER's double doors swinging open drew her mind back to the hospital waiting room. An exhausted and gloomy-looking doctor stepped outside, with two nurses following him, all three of them still wearing scrubs and gloves, and with evident crimson spots adorning their otherwise white and light blue attire.

Blowing out a breath, closing her eyes for a second, and praying to anyone willing to listen, the female agent got up from the chair and gingerly walked towards the three medical professionals who were looking pointedly at the law enforcement team. In seconds, Callen, Sam, Hetty, Nell and Eric, her team and family, were surrounding her as they all waited anxiously for the doctor to speak the words that could change the course of their lives forever.

The silence seemed to stretch indefinitely and Kensi started trying to prepare for the worse, even though she was certain that if the news were bad, and Deeks was gone, her life would never be okay again. She closed her eyes as soon as the doctor began to open his mouth as she found it difficult to focus on anything other than the ringing in her ears, the beating of her own heart and the paralyzing fear rushing down her body. At this point, as her hands shook slightly and oxygen felt scarce in her veins, Kensi Blye was completely certain that the only thing keeping her upright was her inner strength and infinite will…

* * *

 _Thanks a lot "Phnxgirl" for pushing me to actually post this ;) And helping me figure out the Hetty flashback, which fits in the storyline for s01e02. And is based on the assumption that Hetty knew of Deeks before "Hand-to-hand, as Called implied in "Fame"._

 _To everyone that had given me (and this idea) support and encouragement, thank you so much. I look forward to seeing what you all think of this and the final two chapters._

 _All the best, Jess._


	3. Chapter 3: Shine Brighter

_Might be a good idea to do "a Hetty" and drink a Scotch before reading this chapter… Joking, joking, but really, this is not happy, and it was sad and hard to write. But I can promise you I gave it my all, to both this and the fourth and final chapter._

* * *

 **Chapter 3: Shine Brighter**

Marty Deeks had never had an out-of-body experience before. But as he heard the flat noise of the heart monitor and saw his own body jerking from the operation's table as the medics tried to restart his heartbeat, he realized he was dying, and there was nothing he could do about it.

He groveled, and begged, and prayed… to God, to medicine, to science… to anyone willing to listen. But sometimes, God was out of miracles, the doctors weren't enough, science hadn't evolved to the point that was required, and no one was listening. Other days, everyone was listening, but no one had the answers or the power to stop what was destined to happen.

As the flat line continued, signaling there was no electrical activity in his heart, the blonde detective's mind left the present to another point in time. Not to the past like before, but it flashed forward to moments in the future that will never come, dreams that would never be achieved and experiences that will, forever, remain unlived…

-x-x-x-

 _Pale blue eyes shining and reflecting the vast ocean around him, Marty Deeks stood on his familiar Californian beach while he waited for the woman of his dreams to walk down the aisle._

 _Sam Hanna, proud best man, standing to his left… Nell Jones, excited maid of honor, standing to their right… Eric Beale, awkward wedding officiant, standing in front of all three of them… Hetty Lange, Roberta Deeks, and Julia Feldman, delighted mothers, leading the guests… And a minute later… Kensi Marie Blye, happy bride, walking towards him… and Grisha Callen, proud friend and brother, leading her down the aisle… Towards, Martin A. Deeks, happy groom, standing smiling at the front…_

 _The rest of what he saw was a blur of the ceremony, and only a few words were recognizable among the rest…_

" _I do…"_

" _I love you…"_

" _I love you, too…"_

" _You may now kiss your bride!"_

 _A kiss, a seal, a bond… a family, a future… eternal joy… and the start of their happily-ever-after…_

 _-0-0-0-_

" _Are you okay, princess?" Deeks walked into the room, to find his wife sitting alone on the bed, clearly not in the present and mind elsewhere._

 _Kensi sighed as she moved her right hand to caress her belly and lifted her face to look up at her husband, with a big smile on her face and small doubts on her heart._

 _The blonde detective gasped, and pale blue eyes sparkled, he took in a deep breath and asked the most important questions of all… "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"_

 _Standing up and moving her arms to embrace him, the brunette agent whispered softly. "Yes, we're going to be parents…"_

 _A hug, another kiss… an upcoming member to their family, a new part of their future… an infinite newfound joy, and a new chapter in their happily-ever-after…_

 _-0-0-0-_

 _A hospital room…_

 _A doctor in a white coat…_

 _Three nurses in pale green scrubs…_

 _A hand holding his own, and a tight squeeze…_

 _Slow breathing, heart pounding, ears ringing… A lovely cry…_

… _And a new Deeks in the world… A baby, a girl… A new kiss… A new purpose… And the best chapter in their happily-ever-after…_

 _-0-0-0-_

 _He felt like he was flying, floating away and not really on earth… Not the actor but spectator. Only able to see the flashing images from above…_

 _A little girl, blonde wavy curls and brown eyes, celebrating the first time she got up on her surfboard…_

 _A little boy, brunette shaggy hair and blue eyes, running to his mama and daddy when they came to pick him up from school…_

 _A first prom night, advice about asking a girl out, sport events, school functions…_

 _High school graduation, college acceptance letter, first full-time job…_

 _Their son and daughter becoming adults, and Marty and Kensi growing old together…_

-x-x-x-

Out of nowhere everything shook and all the images mixed together in a foggy mix… His thoughts jumbled, and his world crumbled… The piercing noise of the heart monitor was still there, but among the infinite sound, Marty Deeks heard a pronouncement:

"Time of death, 15:13."

All the images disappeared, a numbing feeling started, and then eternal darkness came…

-x-x-x-

Standing in the waiting room, Kensi Blye still had her eyes closed, but she was still certain of her family's presence around her. Sam and Callen to her left and right, Nell and Eric at her back, and Hetty in front of all of them. Taking a deep breath, and releasing it slowly, she opened her eyes, and looked hopefully at the doctor.

But as soon as the man who stood in front of them looked down, and sadly shook his head, her own world crashed down and she knew her life would never be the same again. Words followed the doctor's gesture, but her mind couldn't comprehend them… No matter how much she tried, her consciousness wanted to take her elsewhere… It was trying to protect her, but she wanted to be there, to stay in the present and to feel…

Feel the pain of her life being ripped apart, of her other half being taken away, of the unjust that life could be and how unfair the world could become. She wanted to learn the explanation, to be there for her team, to be strong for herself, and to smile for her boyfriend, but at this very moment she couldn't find it in herself so she just sank to the ground and started silently sobbing.

She felt comforting hands on her shoulder, and another squeezing her hand, but her mind didn't register them as uplifting, instead only reminding her of the only touch she wanted to feel and one she would never be able to experience again.

-0-0-0-

Kensi Blye wasn't sure how much time had passed since the doctor had come out to inform the team that her partner hadn't make it. She remembered some of the words: _we tried… he had lost too much blood, internal bleeding, organ failure… they really tried, he fought hard_ … But ultimately, it just hadn't been enough.

She now sat slumped on a chair in the still white, but now sadder-looking waiting room. Her team and family standing or setting near her, all of them quiet and each lost inside their own heads… All overtaken by memories, dreams, fears and regrets. In her shock, she recalled asking the doctor to see her boyfriend one last time, the man had wanted to refuse, but after a pointed look from Hetty had reluctantly agreed to give her five minutes. She now waited for the nurses to come looking for her so she could at least say a peaceful and lonely goodbye.

As the female agent waited, she decided to close her eyes for a few seconds in an attempt to stop the tears that kept coming… But in her despair and exhaustion, her mind won, managing to pull her from the conscious world and into another moment in time.

-x-x-x-

 _June 2019… The day was sunny, but breezy… the ocean looked wavy, but the waves were calm… the sky looked blue, but some white clouds added some shades to the picture… Life was blissful, love was in the air, and the future was theirs._

 _Kensi Blye stood in a lonely room in the white building, looking at herself in the mirror and smiling at the sight that welcomed her. White dress, high heels, bridal veil… She then looked at the ocean from the small window to her left, and her smile only grew as she took notice of what a perfect day this really was._

 _Minutes later she was walking into the chapel, her friend and team leader, leading her down the aisle. Her breath catching in her throat as her eyes landed for the first time on her groom… Shaggy hair looking a little less messy than usual, someone evidently having tried to comb and tame the usually disheveled curls… Pale blue eyes glazed with unshed tears… Shy but lovely smile on his face…_

 _Sam, Eric and Nell stood along with Deeks in the raised platform. All part of the wedding entourage and ready to see their friends finally seal their bond forever. Julia, Roberta and Hetty at the front of the guests, which included a lot more people than either of them had expected, all three women with tears in their eyes but happy smiles on their faces._

 _As the couple had wanted, the ceremony was quick and soon the newlyweds, along with their family and friends exited the chapel and made their way into the adjacent beach, eager to celebrate together the happiest day of their lives._

 _-0-0-0-_

 _The year was 2021 and the female agent sat on the cold bathroom floor… eyes closed, sweat trickling down her neck, and heart beating widely in her chest… She waited and when the alarm of her phone activated, taking in a deep breath and blowing it out slowly, turned her eyes towards the pregnancy test tightly clutched in her right hand._

 _She saw the result and closed her eyes, then she opened them and saw it again… she repeated the same process for around five minutes until a knock on the door forced her to stop._

" _Kens, everything okay in there?" Her husband worried voice sounded from the other side of the wood, and she sighed, trying to compose herself before responding._

" _All good, I'll be out in a little." She kept her reply short, knowing that in her current state, her words were likely to fail her._

 _She heard Deeks shuffling outside the door, probably deciding what to do before his voice sounded again. "You sure? You have been in there a long time. Can I come in?"_

 _Kensi wasn't sure what to say, so she said nothing. And predictably, a few minutes later she heard the door being opened and saw her shaggy husband gingerly stepping inside._

 _Deeks stopped suddenly as soon as he saw Kensi on the ground, instantly worried that something was wrong with her and his mind going into overdrive. But then he saw what she was holding in her hand, and he paralyzed. Scared to say anything, he instead walked towards his wife, and sat on the floor next to her. The blonde stretching his arm and pulling his brunette beauty towards him._

 _Sighing contently and snuggling further into his chest, Kensi took a deep breath and decided to share the news, after all, he had seen what was on her hand, so there was not postponing it now. "I'm pregnant… We're going to be parents, Marty." She had taken to calling him by his first name after the wedding, and she would never stop loving the way his eyes shinned brighter every time she said his name._

 _After a few minutes passed and no words came out of the usually talkative man, Kensi turned to look at him with panic raising in her chest… What if he wasn't ready?_

 _The sight that welcomed her however, stole her breath away and she felt tears prickling her eyes as soon as she saw her usually strong and composed husband silently crying and with the biggest smile she had ever seen on his face. "Are you happy?"_

 _Marty Deeks took in a long breath, and released it gradually, before lifting his head and turning to look at the woman of his dreams, the best partner ever, and who now also happened to be his wife and soon the mother of his first child. "I'm the happiest man in the world, princess. And I promise I'll be the best father I can possibly be." Moving a shaky hand to caress her belly, he closed his eyes and continued. "I will give the world to our little ninja assassin, and I'll be everything that my own father wasn't." He smiled adorably at her, and both with joyful tears rolling down their faces, closed the space between them and sealed their future with a loving kiss…_

 _-0-0-0-_

 _A few months had passed, and Kensi Blye laid on a bed in the hospital awaiting the arrival of their little boy. She had technically been in labor for some hours now, but the little guy was taking his sweet time to make his first appearance._

 _Marty Deeks, partner, best friend, husband, and soon father, sat beside his wife holding her hand. Julia on the other side, pacing nervously as she eagerly awaited the moment in which she would finally become a grandma. The rest of the team, along with crazy Bertie, as Deeks had jokingly call her only that morning, anxiously waited in the waiting area. Each of them excitedly dreaming of the arrival of the newest member of their family, and the moment they will, respectively, become aunt, uncles and grandmothers._

 _Two more hours later, the moment finally came, and a lovely cry from the newborn and joyful tears from the parents, signaled the arrival of a new Deeks into the world… Pale face and red cheeks, brown eyes, and blonde hair… The perfect combination of his parents and the living proof of their undying love._

-x-x-x-

Kensi Blye woke up confused and disoriented… She looked widely at each side, and felt tears rolling down her face as she realized it all had been a dream. Her partner and boyfriend was still dead and she couldn't do a damn thing about it.

It took her a few minutes to notice the nurse standing in front of her and staring pointedly with a concerned look on her face. So, that's what had woken her up, the female agent thought and silently cursed the nurse for taking her joy away, even if it only had been happening on her mind. After all, that's the only place where she could truly be happy now, the only place where she could meet Deeks, and the only place where her boyfriend was still alive, and their perfect and loving family could still be a reality.

The female agent foolishly wished for the last hour of her life to be the real dream and for this to be the real moment in which the doctor would come out to deliver the news... but more importantly, that said news would be different this time. But knowing that was just wishful thinking, Kensi brushed her tears away, stood up and started following the nurse inside the double doors. Stopping only for an instant to speak to her team and respectfully decline their offers for someone to accompany her. She wanted this moment to herself, and she needed to have a final moment alone with the person that gave meaning to her life. Even if that person wasn't in this realm anymore.

-x-x-x-

Standing in the now vacant room, Kensi Blye stared at the empty shell of the man that had been her partner, best friend, boyfriend and fiancé until not so long ago. A faint smile was still present on his face, but his beautiful blue eyes were now closed… and would remain that way forever.

Knowing she only had five minutes, and that they had been awarded only at her boss' insistence, she was determined to make them count so blinking her eyes a few times, wanting to shake off the tears that still glazed them, she took a deep breath, and reached down to hold his hand. It was already cold, but she still moved it to her lips and kissed it one last time. "I love you, Marty… And I always will…"

Marty… the name took her by surprise, transporting her mind back to her dreams and Kensi couldn't hold it anymore… The usually strong federal agent started quietly sobbing as all the missed opportunities, regrets and unlived dreams came crashing down on her. They would never get married, she would never feel the nerves and joy of telling him they would become parents, and he would never have the opportunity to be better than his father… at least not in parenthood, as he already was in every other way that counted.

"I will never forget you, Marty." She decided to keep calling him that, even though it made her wonder why she had never done so when he was still alive. "How you made me feel… protected, loved and cherished, every time I was in your arms…" She stopped for a second as the emotions began to overwhelm her. "I love you, today and forever…" She recalled how they had woken together that morning, and how he had said those same words as they walked together into the shower. It felt a lifetime ago, but it had only been hours. "I already miss you… how am I even supposed to live without you?"

The brunette woman couldn't take it anymore, so she looked at the blonde man one last time and quickly rushed out of the room. "I love you Marty, today and forever… and you will always be my world." Kensi whispered softly and never looked back.

-x-x-x-

The next hour passed in a blur… Medical forms, burial arrangements, condolences, promises, and more than anything, the desire to just run away from it all. Mercifully, Hetty having recognized the toll the day was taking on her agent and wanting to protect her from more pain, had decided to send Kensi home and take charge of all the necessary preparations. Against her better judgement, however, the female agent had declined to spend the night at Julia's house or with the company of one of her teammates and now found herself staring at the closed door of the house she and Marty had shared.

Taking in a deep breath and blowing it out slowly, she lifted her hand and with tears on her eyes managed to put in on the handle. She could hear Monty inside, and her tears turned to full weeping as all the memories came to the forefront of her mind again. The mutt's barks only increased as time kept passing and his humans didn't come inside, prompting the dog to start scratching on the wood and the female agent to finally open the door.

As soon as Kensi stepped inside, her senses were assaulted by all the memories the apartment carried… Sunscreen scent mixed with that of the ocean… the wind blowing from the open living room window and the sound of the familiar Pacific… Deeks' sweatshirt on the kitchen counter, dirty _pair_ of dishes and mugs on the sink, and crumbled sheets on the bed from their quick getaway that morning.

A hand on the door frame, an uneven step, and then another, and another… a hand on the kitchen counter… more steps, and collapsing on the coach. Kensi felt as if she was living in small blurs, not able to connect the broken pieces of her life and just moving on autopilot. She buried her face on the sofa's cushions but lifted it instantly, as the familiar scent of Deeks invaded every fiber of her being, and she started crying again as it all became too much for her to handle.

Monty scratching her leg brought Kensi back to the present and she focused on the dog for a second, hoping the action would ground her. Monty turned his head sideways, and whined, then he whined again and moved inside the bedroom and back out, then he got up on the couch in the space usually occupied by his shaggy owner and moved a paw to rest on top of Kensi's knee. The action brought a fresh bout of tears to her eyes as she realized that their mutt somehow knew… that his daddy was gone, and that he had to help his mommy stay strong.

Resting her head on the dog's fur instead, the female agent cried some more before deciding in between sad sniffles that she couldn't stay here on her own, and quickly moving to the bedroom to pick up some clothes and toiletries, then grabbing Monty, his leash and food, and running out of the apartment before she fell apart again.

That night, Kensi slept in an unfamiliar room at her mother's house, eventually managing to fall asleep in between images of Donald Blye, and Marty Deeks. The memories making her realize that maybe now her father could meet Deeks, considering now they were both in heaven. She smiled and closed her eyes, hoping Don would like him, despite the shaggy hair…

-x-x-x-

It had been almost a week since the unfortunate day in which Marty Deeks, detective, teammate, friend, son, boyfriend and fiancé, had been taken away. And Kensi, along with her NCIS team now stood in the cemetery as the ceremony was about to begin.

The day was warm and breezy, the sky entirely blue and with not a single cloud in sight. A lot of people were present… from NCIS, LAPD, CIA, DEA, and every other agency the shaggy detective had ever come in contact with.

Among all the chairs arranged for the many guests who had decided to come pay their respects, eleven stood in the front and were separated by a few feet from all the others. As the time drew closer, Hetty, Kensi, Callen, Sam, Nell, Eric, Roberta, and Julia sat down in that front line, leaving three empty chairs at the end… For Owen, Michelle and Deeks himself. All of them wanting for their spirits to at least accompany them on this day.

The ceremony took longer than expected, as a lot more people than originally intended had decided to stand up and share their memories of the shaggy man: Memories of the ocean, his favorite fish tacos, train sets on Christmas mornings, violin tunes in school recitals… Shooting range competitions, climbing wall challenges, friendly pranks… His familiar antics, cheeky remarks and smartass comments… Memories of love, hope, respect and sacrifice… And more than anything else, recollections of his ever present smile, contagious laugh, and the way his pale blue eyes constantly sparkled.

What had started as a gloomy ceremony, turned into a celebration…

A celebration of life… Of what it meant to love and be loved… Of what it feels to be alive and what should be done with that knowledge… And ultimately, of a life well lived, one spent loving, laughing and enjoying the mere fact of being alive… of having had survived.

That sunny afternoon, as the casket was lowered onto the ground, people that started the day crying, ended it laughing. Eyes that were glazed with tears ended up shining with them. And smiles that started in one person, passed from one guest to the other, until everyone was left grinning for the man they had all come together to remember… and ultimately, celebrate.

-x-x-x-

After the guests started leaving, Kensi, along with her NCIS team, Julia and Roberta walked towards the newly covered grave. Each lost inside their own memories, and regrets. But also all collectively cherishing the moments they had been able to share with one Marty Deeks, even if they also felt a big emptiness and sorrow for all the ones that will forever remain unlived.

But, even in their sadness and anger, they all managed to feel somewhat happy. Because they had known the man in the first place, because he had been part of their lives… but over anything, because they all knew the happy-go-lucky blonde would want them to keep moving forward and would never want any of them to stop living their lives, because his had been unfortunately too soon been lost.

That afternoon, the ex-detective's family and team left the cemetery together and after a few minutes found themselves at the beach, wanting to share a toast for their lost friend at the place they all knew had brought him the most happiness and comfort in the world. The Pacific had been Deeks' safe haven, and maybe tonight, it could also become that for those who now missed him the most.

As the NCIS family left the beach later that night and got in their cars, they all individually looked at the starry night, and inwardly smiled. Marty Deeks was now one of those stars, forever in heaven and ready to lighten their paths. Ultimately, Kensi and her team ended the day knowing they would never forget the shaggy teammate whose bright existence had been extinguished too soon, and promising to perpetually uphold his values and honor his memory… By always living, laughing and trying their best to every day shine even brighter.

* * *

 _Hopefully you're all still here… Part of me can't believe I actually posted this and that thought still scares me. I considered writing something else and for this to never leave my laptop… or just disappearing from here after this update… But I kinda need to post the final chapter of this and actually continue Ghost so that might not be a good idea ;)_

 _Please, don't hate me and remember my promise of a positive (and fulfilling) conclusion, really hope you all give it a chance. Thanks for reading, hopefully reviewing and even more hopefully continuing to read whatever I write after this little adventure…_

 _All the best, Jess._


	4. Chapter 4: Tomorrow

_I'm REALLY sorry if I turned any of you off with the previous chapter, but that was never intended to be the end of this story. Please know that I write as an escape, and hoping it is fun for you all to read and won't ever intentionally want to upset anyone. That being said, if you wondered why I never added a death warning, this chapter is why._

* * *

 **Chapter 4: Tomorrow**

Kensi Blye wasn't one to analyze the universe and try to find a meaning in every single thing, but as she woke up in an uncomfortable chair in a white hospital room, antiseptic smell in the air, steady beep of the heart monitor, and Deeks warm hand strongly held in hers, she wondered what had just happened and why.

She turned around expecting to wake up at any moment from the real dream, to find herself in her mother's guest bedroom, and with the heartbreak that had accompanied her for the last week still crushing her spirit. But time passed… and nothing changed. She was still in a hospital room, and more importantly, Deeks was still in the bed in front of her, breathing steadily and _alive_.

Trying to keep her breathing and heartbeat under control, Kensi thought back to the last day and smiled as she remembered what the doctor had informed the team the previous afternoon: _it was touch and go for a moment… flat lined on the operations table… he pulled through… the bullet was removed… expected to make a full recovery…_

It had all been a dream… The doctor shaking his head, Deeks' cold and vacant body on the hospital bed, her lonely night at home, the cemetery… everything. Kensi gasped as the painful memories assaulted her mind, stealing her calmness and sending her into a near panic attack. It had all felt so real, that it was hard to believe now that it only had been a sick game of her twisted mind.

 _It was all a dream, Deeks is okay, it was just a dream, we still have our future…_ Repeating the short sentences like a mantra Kensi was able to return to her peaceful state and finally accept that it had really been a dream, or more like a nightmare… but Deeks was alive and they could still be happy together.

Sighting deeply, the female agent moved Deeks' hand towards her lips and kissed it sweetly, relishing the warm sensation that she felt, so different from the cold and empty one she remembered from her nightmare. As the feeling of warmth spread all around her body, Kensi felt happy tears streaming down her face because Marty was really alive… Their dreams could still be lived, the future was still theirs and they could still have their happily-ever-after.

-x-x-x-

 _Fog surrounded the blonde man and he couldn't see anything around him or feel anything inside him… He moved to one side hoping to touch a wall, but nothing came… Moved to the other, but still nothing came. He then started to run, but still nothing came… The space felt infinite around him and he couldn't make sense of it._

 _The blue eyed man kept running but he never got tired… his legs didn't ache, his breathing never came in small gasps, and his skin never got covered in sweat… He really couldn't feel anything. It felt how he would imagine… being dead, just numbness and an unfillable void._

 _Suddenly, the fog cleared and the man was enclosed in light. It was coming from above, and a flat noise could be faintly heard from the distance. Words came, but he couldn't understand them… A second later his senses were assaulted by a strong antiseptic smell. And finally came the memories…_

" _Sam, sniper, get down."_

 _A jump, flying, the hard ground… Pain, dampness, blood… Unconsciousness… His teammate's voices… A final goodbye… Unconsciousness once more…_

 _A lot of jumbled images… A weeding… a baby… growing old together… The hateful noise… A pronouncement… And… death..?_

 _Marty Deeks started trashing around as everything became too much for him to handle… He couldn't understand where he was, how he had gotten here, but more importantly, how to leave this place, whatever it was…_

 _With the newfound light, also came the realization that he wasn't alone anymore… Deeks gasped as he first took notice of a cornflower blue raccoon standing next to his right leg… It stared pointedly at him, and then cocked its head to the side, while never taking its eyes off the trembling man._

 _His attention was randomly taken off the raccoon as his hand starting moving of its own volition, like it had a power of its own… It kept moving, and shaking… Up and down… Side to side…_

" _Deeks…"_

" _Deeks, please open your eyes…"_

 _A voice came out of nowhere and the blonde and blue eyed man turned a confused stare at the raccoon, wondering if the voice had come from him. His focus was again pulled back from his newfound companion as his hand kept shaking and his breathing started coming in small gasps and his heartbeat started to spiral out of control…_

 _Heartbeat..? But he had thought he was dead… and dead men didn't have a heartbeat…_

" _Marty, the future is still ours…_

" _Everything is okay, you're okay…"_

" _I'm right here… please come back to me…"_

 _That voice, he recognized that voice… His mind didn't associate it with the raccoon… But he couldn't place it, so maybe it was really coming from his new friend._

 _And still, Marty Deeks couldn't understand… He had died… he was supposed to be dead… He let out a pained groan, and kept trashing around._

" _Deeks, please. It's Kensi, please open your eyes for me…"_

 _A droplet of water on his hand, then on his chest and ultimately on his face…_

 _Not a raccoon… The voice… Kensi… He was alive…_

-x-x-x-

Kensi had been sitting on the same hospital chair when Deeks had started trashing around and mumbling incomprehensible words on his sleep. She quickly stood up and started _shaking his hand_ , then calling his name, and finally begging for him to open her eyes for her, to come back to her. She then stood up and started silently sobbing again, the desperate tears rolling down her face and eventually falling into the blonde man's hand, and chest and face…

The brunette woman's tears turned completely joyful as soon as her previously unconscious boyfriend started opening his pale blue eyes, and at that moment her mismatched eyes sparkled because her world had just started spinning on its right axis again.

-x-x-x-

Marty Deeks opened his eyes but he couldn't see anything clearly. His vision was unfocused and the world was a big blur. Deciding instead to concentrate on his other senses, he first noticed the antiseptic smell, then the steady beep of the heart monitor, and lastly, felt the droplets of water falling on his face… _So that parts hadn't been a dream_ , he thought, as he continued to slowly make sense of his world.

After blinking his eyes a few times, the images started coming together and the most beautiful sight of all materialized right in front of him… Kensi Blye hovering over him, still holding his hand, and with her tears streaming down her face and into his own skin.

"You're awake…" Kensi breathed out while never taking her eyes off Deeks, still not completely believing that he was really okay.

"Where's the raccoon..?" Deeks babbled exactly at the same time as Kensi spoke.

"Hmm… What?" Kensi stopped as soon as Deeks' voice came flowing out of his body, but her excitement at finally hearing it again was cut short at his unexpected comment.

"Kens? You're not a blue raccoon anymore…" Deeks pondered as he stared at his girlfriend dumbstruck. "Am I dead..? Are… we both… dead?" He continued to mumble as his mind was a jumbled mess from a combination of his dreams and the pain meds that the IV on his arm kept pumping into his system.

"Deeks… Are you okay? What are you talking about?" The female agent interrupted her boyfriend's ramblings before he continued on another weird tangent. But then, remembering one of the previous times he had been in the hospital, after being shot twice in the chest, she raised her eyebrows and inquired. "Are you messing with me again? It's not funny, Deeks."

After a few seconds passed, and seeing the uncertainty still evident on his eyes, Kensi quickly realized Deeks hadn't been joking and her worry started increasing again. "I'm going to look for a doctor…"

"Kensi, wait…" Deeks spoke a little more clearly, as he shook his head trying to rid himself of the fog that still clouded his thoughts. "Fern, please… Stay with me."

Deeks' pleading tone finally made Kensi stop just as she was about to exit the room and she quickly moved back towards the bed and took hold of her boyfriend's hand once more. "Deeks…" She huffed as her tears started coming again, a combination of all the mixed feelings she had experienced in the last 24 hours… Fear, worry, hope, joy… "Are you really okay? Are you really… _here_?"

The blonde detective stared at his partner with a puzzled look after he noticed the wording of the question but decided to ignore that part and move to more important things. "I… think. I…" He turned his stare down, and a lone tear rolled down his face as all the memories started crashing on him. "I dreamed I was dead."

Kensi's mouth dropped as her own memories started coming to the forefront of her mind. "I… I… I did too." She eventually stammered as her thoughts were moving at a faster rate than her own body could keep up.

"You… you did what?"

"I dreamed you died, Deeks…"

The couple remained in silence for a few minutes as the realization of what had happened began to sink in. Both of them lost inside their own heads, and in memories of painful nightmares and dreams that could have remained unlived forever.

"What… What does that mean?" Kensi questioned, face a little paler than before, and her hands no longer as steady as they still held to Deeks' for dear life… Not wanting the nightmare to return and Deeks to be ripped from her once more.

"Maybe… maybe…" Deeks hesitated as he tried thinking of something funny to say, needing as usual to defuse the tension with his familiar humor, but struggling to find the right words this time. "Maybe there's more, more than we don't know… More than just this one universe… And maybe in another, an alternate Deeks is… the one… who died." It wasn't his usual wit, and his trademark smirk was not present on his face, just a groggy look and faint smile.

Kensi seemed doubtful for a second, thinking of her partner's explanation as his voice echoed in her head and the words danced on her mind. "Maybe." She nodded in acceptance, before continuing once more. "But, if there's other words… universes… realities. I'm glad I'm in this one, with _you_ …" Her conviction faltered a little as her eyes misted with tears and her voice cracked. "And if another alternate Deeks is dead… in one of those… I don't care because _you... My Deeks_ , is still alive and well… and our future is still ours." Kensi managed to finish sounding confident, even as her tears started to fall. She punctuated her declaration by leaning into Deeks and kissing him sweetly on the lips, then lingering close to him, foreheads slightly touching and agent and detective breathing in the same air.

-x-x-x-

After learning that Deeks would be alright, Sam and Callen had spent the last few hours working diligently with the Wonder Twins to bring to justice everyone involved in the ambush the previous day. After hours of work, two interrogations, a quick shootout and one car chase, everyone involved in the almost murder of their younger teammate was either in jail or the morgue. Now, wanting to see their junior teammates before going on to enjoy a much needed rest, the senior partners tiredly drove to the hospital after dropping at LAPD the _bad guys_ that were still alive.

After they had been in the car for around five minutes, Callen took notice of his partner's furrowed brow and tight grip on the wheel, and sighed silently as he prepared for a difficult conversation. "Are you okay, big guy?" He eventually managed to ask after psyching himself up and preparing various arguments.

"Yeah…" Sam's tone lack his usual strength and determination, and it only worried Callen more.

"You do know nothing that happened is your fault, right?"

"The bullet was coming towards me."

"Maybe… But you didn't shoot yourself, man… No one blames you."

"If Deeks had died it would have been my fault… And I would have blamed myself."

"But he didn't die. He's still our same shaggy friend who will soon be back ready to annoy us and talk our ears off." Taking a page from Deeks' book, Callen tried to be funny, but evidently he wasn't as good with the tension-diffusion.

"I just don't understand it, G… Why would he?" The dejection and resignation in Sam's voice hurt his partner and best friend, and he wished he could take his pain and guilt away, but he knew only the detective himself could do that.

"You would need to ask him yourself, Sam… But I think that's just… who he is. He wouldn't have known to do anything else." Still Callen had to try.

"When we were still in the hospital, waiting… I remembered… That conversation after his first full case with us… How could I've been so blind? And not only then… but, with the Sidorov case, too. What type of agent… what type of _man_ does that make me?" Taking advantage of the traffic light, Sam closed his eyes for a second and drew in a deep breath, which he then began releasing slowly, trying to rid his mind of the feelings of failure and guilt.

Callen thought for a second and eventually smiled, again taking a page from Deeks' playbook. "It makes you _human_ , Sam… We all make mistakes… And what make us better humans… good men… and great friends, is that… we learn from those mistakes… And you did, brother. And we all know that… Deeks knows that."

Sam thought for a second of his best friend's explanation and his mind was invaded by an onslaught of old memories with the younger man… _Enduring torture together, undercover with Sven, him and Kensi on the oceanic rescue after the submarine debacle, shooting range practice…_ The ex-Navy seal eventually ended on two memories, and those made him realize that G's words had been the truth: the way he had cared and supported the younger man when Kensi had been recuperating from the helicopter crash, and the way the younger man had cared and supported him when his wife had been murdered. Those were the moments that defined a man… and a friendship, and he at least had succeeded in those.

"Thank you, G." Sam didn't say anything else, knowing that the slight nod of his head and the admission were enough to convey all his emotions, after all, with Michelle no longer alive, no one knew him better than his partner and best friend.

The rest of the drive happened in comfortable silence as both senior partners were able to find some semblance of peace, and concentrated on mentally preparing for their visit.

-x-x-x-

Kensi and Deeks had spent the last few minutes comparing their dreams (or nightmares) and jokingly discussing who had been more accurate. They had laughed at Kensi apparently having a dream within a dream, and they both sobered when they got to the part about the burial. Then, they had debated sharing their experiences with their senior partners, but eventually decided to keep it to themselves for now and maybe open up about it when they had been able to process it individually and as a couple.

A slight knock on the door brought their attentions from their discussion and they both turned to see their senior teammates coming into the room, holding a bag of takeout and still arguing about which had been the right food to bring. Callen had wanted burgers and fries, Sam, always believing the body is a temple, had wanted wraps and salad instead… Callen of course had won.

"Kens, dad and dad are fighting." Deeks teased as he laughed breathlessly at the senior partner's typical banter but soon stopped with a groan as the movement increased the pain in his gunshot wound.

Deeks' remark successfully silenced the boys and they both turned to glare at the younger man lying in the bed, before their stares turned soft and they smiled, both silently thanking their Gods for their friend having survived.

"I'm really glad you're alive." Callen eventually croaked, not knowing that those words were the echo of another time and another tragedy.

"I'm too… dying is not really on my priority list." Deeks tried to joke, but it felt flat, and they all quickly sobered. "Thanks, I'm too… I would have missed you all." He eventually admitted, his near death experience having taught him that honesty was sometimes the better option, because you never knew when it could be your last time to share your true feelings. And the current moment making him realize how much he would have missed his team… his family, if what happened had been real.

The room became silent then, all three agents thinking back to Deeks sincere confession when he had thought he would die… when he was actually dying… but none of them wanting to bring that up and get the mood further down.

"Thank you, Deeks…" Sam eventually broke the silence, not able to hold it inside any longer. "You didn't have to… But I… I appreciate it… And I'm sure Kam and Aiden would have too." He was determined to have a longer conversation with his friend at a later time when he was better, but for now, he at least needed to show his appreciation.

Deeks just nodded as his eyes glazed over with unshed tears, everything still too soon for him to properly process and Sam's gratitude getting him emotional. "Anytime, brother… _Anytime_." He eventually managed to elaborate with a shy smile, and all four teammates were completely sure that he had meant those words completely, and not only for Sam, but for any of them.

The team stayed together for the next 30 minutes, the agents sharing their food, Deeks complaining about the hospital one, and all four of them talking about anything but the last day and joking and teasing each other as only they could do. After seeing Deeks' eyes beginning to flutter, and feeling exhausted themselves, the senior partners decided to take their exit, promising to be back the next day with breakfast and fresh clothes for the junior partners.

"Night, guys… See you tomorrow." Kensi called behind them as Callen waved and Deeks smiled at the retreating men.

"Good night, Deeks… I'm really glad you're still here… And thank you." Sam repeated as he exited the room and, this time, didn't wait for a response, just needing to let it out one more time, for now…

-x-x-x-

After Sam and Callen had left the room, the doctor had come to check on Deeks, confirming that everything was still okay and his stats were returning to normal range. The three of them had laughed at Deeks' displeasure of needing to remain in the hospital for a few more days, making Kensi's eyes mist again at Deeks' smile and laugh, which were always able to light up even the darkest of rooms. After confirming the prognosis, and the need for some bedrest and physical therapy, but guaranteeing a full recovery and return to work in a few months, the doctor exited the room, wishing the couple a good night and saying he would be back in the morning for another checkup.

"Get up here." Deeks eventually proposed after some minutes of silence, while he patted the empty space on the bed next to him.

Kensi debated her options, needing the proximity but not wanting to cause her partner any more harm or pain than he had already endured.

"You won't hurt me, princess. You never could… And I need… to feel you close." Deeks continued as if reading her mind.

Smiling, Kensi took off her shoes and carefully got on top of the bed on the side opposite Deeks' wound. Sighing contently, the female agent rested her head on her partner's shoulder and used the closeness to take in the remains of his familiar salty scent, most of it dulled now by the hospital smell of antiseptic, but still a welcomed sensation.

"I love you, Marty. And I'm really glad you are alive." Kensi eventually offered.

"Marty?"

"Yep… Marty." Kensi admitted confidently. "Another part of my dream that I will eventually tell you about."

"Which dream… The main one, or the dream within a dream?" Deeks' joked with eyes sparkling and his trademark smirk lightening his whole face.

"I knew I shouldn't have told you about that…" Kensi muttered under her breath as she fought hard not to laugh too. "But dream within a dream or not, we both know mine was more accurate." She teased back, going back to their previous argument about which wedding, pregnancy announcement, childbirth and kids had been better.

"No way, Fern… Our little boy and girl, as I saw them, were just perfect… And you're not gonna announce our first child while sitting on a bathroom floor." He continued to tease as the smile never left his face.

"I think we should find that out together…" Kensi admitted, not surprising herself by the warm feeling in her chest as she imagined having children with Deeks, but totally astonished at the fact she felt ready for that to happen, _soon_.

"I agree." Deeks breathed out, his eyes taking a faraway look as he dreamed of that reality. "And Kens?"

"Yeah?" Kensi inquired as her eyes now mirrored Deeks', both lost in dreams of the future that was now open for them to actually experience.

"I love you, too. And I'm happy to be alive… Especially if it's to spend a lifetime with you." The blonde man confided, responding now to his partner's first comment that had started the whole conversation.

Kensi smiled and kissed his cheek, while running her hand through his always messy, blonde curls. After some minutes of silence, the brunette thought her boyfriend had drifted off to sleep, but his voice sounded again, drawing her mind back to the present room.

"Kens?"

"Yeah?" She mirrored her previous response.

"What if what we saw wasn't… wasn't a dream or nightmare… but… foreshadowings… of what's to come, our future together?" The smirk was gone now, replace with a shy and adorable smile, but his pale blue eyes were still shinning.

The innocent question made Kensi's heart jump in her chest, and she felt tears spring to her eyes again. "I would like that, Marty… I would really like that."

"Me too, princess. Me, too." Deeks' answered semi-echoing her answer. "We should get on that soon, wedding planning, children… our happily-ever-after…" He mumbled as he drifted off to sleep, with his thoughts still a combination of reality and dreams, and the last day finally catching up with both his mind and body.

"We will, Marty. I promise. We will have our perfect future, together… and soon." Kensi kept her response short as Deeks' even breathing told her he had fallen asleep, but emphasized her vow by kissing her boyfriend and running her fingers through his shaggy hair once more.

Moving carefully to get more comfortable on the bed, the female agent sighed as she started mentally preparing for what she now accepted should be the last year for them as NCIS field agents. This latest event hitting too close to home, and maybe acting as a forewarning of what could really happen if they didn't hang up their guns on time. Kensi was surprised not to be scared with the possibility… And actually found herself to be cheerful for what would come next… A wedding, a family, and _their happily-ever-after…_ Finally, after a few more minutes of silent thinking, the brunette woman followed the blonde man into the land of nothingness, the last thought on her mind being that as soon as her partner was healed she would have that talk with him.

-x-x-x-

That night, among all the still present fears and sorrows for what the last day had forced them to endure, Kensi and Marty fell asleep content in each other arms, with intertwined fingers, blue and mismatched eyes sparkling below close eyelids, and happy smiles still present on their faces. Both grateful of the fact they lived in this reality; and even if things were different in an alternate LA, in this one, they were still together, and with their whole joined-future ahead of them. Ultimately, both knowing that even if today was still uncertain, _life will shine brighter tomorrow._

* * *

 _I always knew this idea was slightly crazy and risky, and I'm still not sure I should have ever posted it, but I did and now can only hope someone liked it. Thanks a lot to everyone that gave it a chance, and showed me their support. It will always be the reason why I keep trying to write and share, even when I'm doubting everything and quitting feels like the easiest choice. Thank you! I hope to hear your thoughts about this whole thing._

 _Jess._


End file.
